So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
