if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
