So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
