I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
