I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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