Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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