but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
