Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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