Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
