you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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