what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
whose parrot is this?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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