Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
