I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
