12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
