That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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