I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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