so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
