he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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