mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
