I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
