i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
