I am puke
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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