The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
