If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
