3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
