Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
