I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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