I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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