I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
