What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
