Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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