Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
