Nicole vs. Life
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
