Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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