he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They took my balls.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
