Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
