Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
