Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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