I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
