I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
