If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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