I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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