yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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