Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
