if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
