Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
