what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
