she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
