Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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