this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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